Even though I am constantly studying my competitors in order to have an understanding of where they stand, I never compete with others as I have come to the understanding that the more I focus on others the more I will derail from myself. Attempting to be better than others is an egoistic desire that is sure to keep you in the thirst of feeding your ego. The secret to growth is to play the self-developmental game and not the game of being better than others. We must first come to an understanding of what we really expect in life.

To me and my family, it is certainly ‘Joy’. Ego is a joy killer and self-contentment is a joy bringer. The more you intend to look better than anyone else the more the load of ego you place on your mind. I am simply trying to be better than the person I was yesterday, instead of trying to be better than anyone else. As I have stated many times before as well as I have mentioned in my first book “The Art of Bouncing Back”, I am keen on self-development and self-appreciation. In my view, the competition is with myself and not with others.

I have done an intensive study on myself and come to an understanding of my strengths and weaknesses. If I had ever attempted to compare myself to my friends at the point when I began my life for the second time, I am sure I would have ended up in the Angoda National Mental Hospital as what they possessed and what I possessed were like heaven and earth. Whilst they were driving Mercedes Benz I was walking with worn-out rubber slippers. Whilst they were eating at five-star hotels my wife and I barely managed to pool in a hundred bucks to source a meal.

While their wives wore Louie Vuitton, my extraordinarily beautiful wife wore a blouse for just six hundred rupees that was bought from a shop close to Pamunuwa. However, I was insanely immersed in the game of developing myself, focusing on a better version of myself than yesterday. I chose not to go to places where I was not accepted, I did not focus on the acceptance of others but on accepting myself. Every single development I made in myself and every minute step I took made me happy as I progressed.

The simple meal on our table was so delicious that we outpoured with contentment. Had I ever compared my food with the food my friends consumed in five-star hotels I would have certainly ended up in misery. Do not force yourself to fit into places that you are not accepted. Train your mind to drive towards self-acceptance as it is the ultimate place that you and I would end up one day. There comes a day when we will be alone by ourselves. Every time people rejected me I was happy because I found a place that I should never force myself to be. I continued to compete with myself.

I improved my standards, refined my talents, and mitigated my weaknesses, acquiring skills that are needed whilst subjecting myself to a strict self-discipline policy. The more I grew the more I was in demand. Today, I have grown to an extent where I am the most costly corporate trainer in the country. The world is ready to pay me what I am asking for as I have developed myself with what the world seeks from me. I would not have reached these heights if my focus was on being better than others. Life is surely beautiful when you update and upgrade yourself instead of attempting to be better than others. My intention was to be like an eagle flying upward dominating the industry. I wanted to be a lion who sets the rules of the industry.

I pictured myself as a champion and not a loser. Self-development was able to erase the definition the world had given to me. Do not allow the world to define who you are. Make a strong decision to define your own self. People can destroy your image, damage your personality, and create rumors about you. Yet, they cannot steal away your willingness and hunger to succeed. Do not allow joy killers to steal your dreams from you and paralyse your thought circuits. I know of a Sri Lankan father who is training his blind son to become the CEO of his company.

I was truly impressed by this. Do not allow limitations to define your destiny. There comes a day when the people who rejected you will invite you to their most important events. That has begun to happen in my life big time. The same people who rejected me saying that I was a useless drug addict are inviting me as the chief guest for their events today. It was not on my list to seek their appreciation or acceptance. When you compete with yourself and elevate your standards, the world is sure to come after you. Once I had an affair with the daughter of a famous businessman and he told me that he would rather cut his daughter into pieces and throw her in a river rather than give her to me.

Having said that they took her away from me. I was devastated that I cried. Yet, that did not stop me. I continued to acquire things that the world said I did not have. I began to polish my personality which was one reason that the world rejected me. I committed myself completely to my dreams more than I had ever done before. After a while when I began to fly high like an eagle I received a call from that family asking if I was married. They were too late. They lost a precious gem. As for me, I was blessed with a precious gem a million times worthier than the stone that left me. Life becomes beautiful the more you keep working on yourself. I love the way Virat Kholi works on himself.

He constantly yearns for self-development. Whereas our cricketers are crazily running after the temporary pleasures of the world. Many Sri Lankans have compromised their standards for temporary pleasures. The Sri Lankan cricketers should consider to seek advice from me with regard to where women, clubbing, drugs and gambling would lead them, as I was an individual who rolled over them and slept on them, until one fine day I found myself lost and lonely in depression. I have lived across many parts of the world and I have tasted many pleasures and realised that they all ultimately lead towards one miserable state and that is destruction wrapped in depression.

Therefore, realise that the competition is with you and not with anyone else. Keep digging deep into yourself and learn more about yourself, enhance your commitments towards your dreams, uplift your personality standards, sharpen your practices of self-discipline, lay strong self-regulation practices, be more compassionate towards the people who are struggling, and build strong relationships with them. By doing so, you will find yourself positioned in a state where you live yourself to the utmost.

To purchase the book “The Art of Bouncing Back” visit Sarasavi, MD Gunasena, Expographics, Vijitha Yapa, and Makeen Bookshops. For Comments/Training Bookings - 0774 88 5656,
www.philipnehri.com