Not anyone is fond of living in a heap of garbage. It is everybody’s wish to live in a clean and comfortable house which is in an acceptable living condition. If you dislike yourself and hate yourself for who you are, you are living a miserable life as though you are compelled to live in a heap of garbage. It is not what you want, it is certainly what you dislike. There are many who call me and weep over what has happened to their lives. With deep regrets about things they could have done or things they shouldn’t have done, wrong decisions they have made and other regrettable incidents which condemn them throughout the day.

Self condemnation is a killer. It has the ability to mentally paralyse a person if they are allowed to sit inside. Recently I met a youngster who spoke to me in a miserable voice. He stated that if he had listened to what I told him fifteen (15) years ago, he would not be in the situation he is now. Self condemnation certainly steals away the happiness of many people who produce depressive thoughts continuously like the waves of the sea. Condemnation can deeply root into our subconscious mind and shoot thoughts of self hatred on a constant basis. The moment we hate ourselves is the moment we become strangers to ourselves.

If you intend to be happy in life you must love yourself first. You do not take any interest in associating people whom you do not like, do you? The moment you dislike yourself, you will dislike being with yourself and eventually you will hate being with yourself. Then, you will keep looking for avenues to live away from you, you would distract yourself with a variety of alternative substances and activities. Since they all are temporary there will come a moment that you cannot avoid living with you. When you are all by yourself, condemnation attacks you from all corners until you are drenched in depression.

Those who are controlled by self condemnation are dying each and every day both mentally and emotionally because it is a self eroding poison and not a self motivator. It is indeed a killer. Most of the people who have attempted suicide are those who have not been able to overcome the enemy known as self condemnation. Therefore, handling self condemnation is of utmost importance to us as well as our innocent children. One day, whilst I was driving, I tried to fix something in the audio and I almost drove wayward. This is exactly what self condemnation does, it attracts your focus towards inwardly damages whereas your wholehearted attention should be on the present which will aid in bringing forth a fruitful future.

Thirteen (13) years ago, I met with an accident at the Kottawa junction due to lack of focus as I was contemplating on a wrongdoing of mine. After a rigorous process of dealing with the after accident issues, I made a strong decision to focus on the present moment rather than the moment that is dead and gone. Unfortunately, many of us waste all our energy on thinking about things that are already dead and buried so much so that we tend to ignore working towards what is alive and able to bear fruit. We must understand that what is dead is dead and it would never come to life however much you may weep over it. Self condemnation glues us to weep over the dead.

There is no argument that it is essential for us to dig into ourselves inwardly so that we could do any necessary alterations for future progress. What many people are accustomed to do is to stagnate inwardly on their failures and burn their precious time worthlessly. Exploring yourself inwardly and inward stagnation are two completely different aspects. Inward exploration sets goals but inward stagnation detains you from moving ahead. We all make mistakes. If you constantly scold your children for the wrong they did the day before, they will never be able to move forward as it seems as though you are placing the same heavy stone on top of their head each and every day. You cannot climb a mountain with a heavy rock on top of your head.

You need to lay it aside so that you are free to climb the steep. Therefore, forgive yourself for the wrongdoings of the past. Nevertheless, self condemnation will tempt you to scratch the same old wound again and again that it will never be allowed to heal. When the wound has not healed, you cannot move forward as your leg is weak due to the wound. Similarly, when your heart is wounded and you have not forgiven and forgotten, your mind also tends to be wounded as your feelings are directly linked to your thoughts. Self acceptance is a very healthy thinking style which we need to be equipped with as it is only when we accept ourselves that we will be content to be with ourselves.

Some people could easily spend time with others, yet, being alone is the most difficult task for them. Make sure you always love yourself and appreciate yourself. Remind yourself that you are proud of yourself for all that you have achieved and on how you are moving forward amidst challenges. Tell yourself that you forgive yourself for all that you have done and you completely let go of what has happened. Practice making positive comments about yourself to you. Speak to yourself often and encourage yourself. Our subconscious is constantly going through something called the hedonic treadmill where we crave for extended pleasure. It applies to happiness in the same way.

The very first time someone comments that you are beautiful, you feel extremely happy. If that person continues to make the statement with the same expression on their face for forty five (45) days, then you will not feel it in the same way as you did on the first day. Your brain runs through the hedonic treadmill and seeks enhanced pleasure. This applies in the same manner the other way round. When you entertain the thought that “you are no good” and you keep on entertaining that thought for a longer period of time that will transform into a stronghold, meaning that it becomes a “Master Thought that has more power over you than a general thought. When you continue to think that you are not good enough, there will soon come a moment that you will start rejecting yourself.

If you constantly hear bad comments on social media about a certain product, your brain will eventually come to the conclusion that this product is not good even though you have not tried it. If you recall when we were little kids, areas with very low living conditions were known as “Korea”, because Korea was a very poor country at that time. Even though Korea is highly developed now, we still call such areas Korea because our brain has been accustomed to it. Therefore, do not let self condemnation take control over your brain. Rather captivate self condemnation and replace it with self acceptance. Always contemplate how good and valuable you are to you, to your parents, to your loved ones and the world.

Self condemnation has the ability to inject one of the most dangerous poisons into your human brain. It is known as “Inferiority Complex”, it will very comfortably place itself in your subconscious. This is a vulnerable psychological state where a person is made to believe that he or she is inferior to others. When you have this weak state of mind, you will not approach climbing greater heights as you have already conveyed the message to your brain that you do not possess the required capacity to do great deeds.

The baby elephant whose legs have been chained to a concrete pillar will continue to believe that he does not have the capability of breaking free even when he has grown up to become a big elephant. The day he attempts to pull it by himself would be the day he realises that he has the capacity to break it. Life is a mind game. Therefore, change the channel you have tuned your mind into, change it from self condemnation to self acceptance. Unless, just as a Parrot who is owned by a thief would speak in vulgar language and a parrot who is brought up by a holy priest would speak in a calm and appealing language, you will continue to accept yourself as a condemned person who will invariably halt your own self from moving forward.

For comments: e-mail: philipnehri@ chandanalepa.lk / phone – 0779 526 496