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Scratching the wound of self condemnation

Monday, 4th of September 2023

As a youngster the biggest challenge I faced was being with myself. I did not like myself. Hence, I always sought for routes to escape from me. The moment the duration of one escape came to an end once again I had to live with myself, there was nothing that I liked in me. Every time I was by myself away from any other entanglement of any methods of escaping from the reality, it made me feel as though I was a loser and there was nothing I have achieved in my life. The situation became worse the moment I began to look at the world around me during those anxious times.

All I was able to see was a load of successful people of the same age as me. Comparing myself with others felt the same as scratching the severe wound of self-condemnation. The more miserable I became the more addictive I became to those reality escaping methods such as drugs, women, clubbing, partying, gaming as well as idling with like-minded people. Yet, I was unable to escape from the grave conditions where those reality escaping methods became ineffective before my emptiness. They were merely plasters and not the appropriate treatment.

Then anxious and depressive attempts were found as the final resort. Recently, I came across a latest research that one out of four people in Australia had anxiety. We become anxious when we are not content with ourselves. It is sad to see how parents condemn their children without any idea that it creates a defeated mentality within their children. I always tell my daughter Esther that she is the best daughter in the entire world. When I say this I am not lying or manipulating her as I express the good side in her which creates a winning mentality within her.

A defeating mentality grows self-condemnation whilst a winning mentality grows self-acceptance. The greatest achievement is not money, wealth, fame, popularity or a superior designation but self-acceptance as everything else is futile if you are not in acceptance of yourself at the first place. They will act as a temporary aid to escape the reality but there will come a time that those temporary pain killers will not cure the root cause which will create a lot of pain. Many wealthy people are struggling to live in peace.

Many of the educated community are suffering with depression today. The reason for it is that inner peace is not a product that could be produced using material, it is a state of mind. Materialistic objects are made of material and spiritual aspects are not made of any material. Even though a good meal may initially be pleasurable once you have it regularly you find it common and boring. All our possessions will become common to us one day. I have personally experienced this state in my life during my journey that I began as a poor man and became wealthy.

This is the very reason the rich are craving for more and running insanely and greedily for more as their current possessions have become common to them. Perfect peace is a state of mind which will not lessen nor require enhancement. Perfect peace needs no more. The issue is that many are after things which are endless. Your past is a dead body that cannot be brought back to life. Similarly, your future is an unborn baby who is yet to exist. Both of them are the thieves of the present. Therefore, the medication is to enjoy the present moment to the fullest as this moment will never come alive again.

Tell your wife that you love her a lot as you may never get another opportunity to say it again. Play with your kids at this moment of time, who knows what tomorrow holds. Many people live as though they are in complete control of their lives. Do not crave for external validation to be accepted as a winner. As long as you are happy about yourself and you are submerged in peace then why do you require any external validation? We lived happily as a family even with a small salary. The coconut sambol and the dried sprats we ate did not hold any control over our happiness.

The Rs. 500 worth skirt my beautiful wife bought from a shop near Pamunuwa had no authority at all over the perfect peace we were enjoying. We did all that we had to do at the present moment and never allowed our past nor our future to hijack our present. The future belongs to those who live in the present moment to its fullest. Do not abuse yourself emotionally, instead, appreciate and encourage yourself. Comparison is an ego developer. All you require is a self-comparison of yourself in order to compare where you stood yesterday and where you stand today.

You must plan your future, yet, you should make sure that you never allow the fears of the future to take a strong grip of your current thoughts. Planning is a must but living in fear will throw you out of the boxing ring. It is essential to be within the boxing ring if you want to win. The more you seek external validation the more you tend to exclude yourself from the external world. It is not about how the world defines you, it is about how you define yourself and accept yourself. When I began life for the second time, the world still kept calling me a loser, a drug addict and a lunatic.

Yet, as for me every single day that I was sober and peaceful was a victorious day for me. Every single day I passed by without smoking a cigarette or smacking heroin or sleeping with a prostitute was a victorious day for me. I did not allow the defeats of my history to label me, I rather made myself feel as though I was a winner for my present achievements of freeing myself of all the destructive things which I once used to escape the reality of life. Whilst my friends were driving in Mercedes Benz I never let any external comparison to steal our joy. We danced at home in celebration of the love we shared with each other and the three meals we had on our table and our adorable son was a bubbling joy giver to us. Our interest was to focus on things we had at that time which we did not have before. The moment you focus on what you do not have, you tend to see yourself in an empty perspective.

The moment you focus on what you have, you will see yourself in a perspective of being filled to the brim. Emptiness is the raw material of self-condemnation. Fullness is the raw material of self-worthiness or self-appreciation. We are always content with what we have. It is not that we do not have big dreams, we do, and it is just that we do not let those dreams to steal our present circumstances.

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